WHY MEN FALL OUT OF LOVE: The Secrets They Don't Tell By Michael French Publisher: Wellness Institute/Self-Help Books, LLC www.selfhelpbooks.com Price: $19.95/hardcover ISBN: 1-58741-132-6 "If you understand why a man struggles with the notion of romantic love, why his relationships sometimes disappoint him, why he becomes unhappy and sometimes falls out of love ­ you gain some profound insights into men themselves." - Michael French WHY MEN FALL OUT OF LOVE TEN MEN TALK ABOUT THEIR DARKEST FEARS AND MOST INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS A husband wakes up one day and realizes he's no longer satisfied with his marriage. Another man finds himself cheating on his wife. A third feels lonely and unloved. What makes men unhappy in their relationships? In WHY MEN FALL OUT OF LOVE: The Secrets They Don't Tell, Michael French provides a thought-provoking look at what drives men away from their partners. By sharing his own story as well as those of nine others, French presents a fascinating glimpse into the heart and reality of how men feel about love, their relationships, and their lives. WHY MEN FALL OUT OF LOVE highlights men who have had the courage to reveal their darkest fears and most intimate emotions. Ranging in age from their twenties to their late fifties, the men come from all walks of life: they were raised in different cultures, come from various socio-economic and religious backgrounds, and have had a wide range of romantic experiences. Remarkably candid about their relationship failures, the impact their parents had on their emotional growth, and their own fears and insecurities, they provide a revealing picture of how men view both themselves and their relationships - often in striking contrast to many of popular culture's most common stereotypes of men. The men's stories revolve around four major "relationship busters": sex and intimacy; validation and self-esteem; control and perfection; and loss of attraction. These categories help illuminate what French has identified as the six key reasons why men fall out of love, explored in depth through each man's personal history: Childhood issues of anger and loss, and the need for reconnection; Masculinity issues of identity, power, and fear; Popular culture's emphasis on conformity, happiness, and commercialism; Male stereotypes that contradict who men really are and what they want; Behaviors and attitudes of their female partners; Processing and communication differences between men and women. For example, Tom, a retired businessman, admits that he's always been driven to succeed - his definition of masculinity - and identifies a number of co-dependencies that contributed to his failing relationship with Sarah, his wife for more than thirty years. George, a single thirty-year-old, talks about how his relationship with his parents and his early questions about his sexual orientation affected his relationship with Roni, his first love. Barry, an executive headhunter in his late thirties, acknowledges that he always felt he was a disappointment to his parents and his life has become the "perfect storm" for low self-esteem, chronic anxiety, and unfocused anger. Now, after a disastrous first marriage, he is determined not to compromise his professional goals or the high standards he sets for the women he dates. French's extensive discussions - with both the men featured in the book and others who chose not to write about their lives - led him to a number of surprising insights. First, while men are often perceived as the uncommunicative gender, these personal stories show that women are often remote, angry and silent. Second, men are more secretive about their fears than women. "Even when they are being as honest as they can, there is something self-protecting, even self-censoring about them," French says. Third, while many men do fall out of love with their partners, some simply fail at keeping their relationships together. Fourth, no matter whose behavior is the principal cause of the couple's unhappiness, women act to change their unhappiness while men tend to live with it. Finally, the men's struggles to understand why their relationships failed were not always negative experiences; in the end, many recognized they were stronger and wiser. WHY MEN FALL OUT OF LOVE is a fascinating look at relationships from the male perspective. The book includes lessons that every couple can use, including ten early warning signs that a relationship may be headed for difficult times, and ten suggestions for getting a troubled relationship back on track. "Despite common belief, men don't fall out of love because one's girlfriend puts on thirty pounds, or a husband fights continually with his spouse over money, or someone's sexual needs are greater than his partner's," notes French. "Conflicts that seem to come out of nowhere lie inside us, dormant from childhood, long before the first confrontation with our adult partners. So many men (and women) are emotional time bombs and don't know it." An affirmation for men who think they are alone in facing frustration, unhappiness, or confusion in their relationships, WHY MEN FALL OUT OF LOVE is also an important resource for anyone who wants to understand how a relationship - despite its wonderful beginning - can turn stormy in the end. # # # ABOUT THE AUTHOR Michael French is a businessman and author who divides his time between Santa Barbara, California, and Santa Fe, New Mexico. He has published some twenty books, mostly novels, including the bestselling Abingdon's, a Literary Guild Selection, and Pursuit, winner of the California Young Reader Medal. He and his wife Patricia have been married for thirty-five years and have an adult son and daughter.
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